Once upon a time I was a hurt person who just hurt people because I didn’t understand what it meant to love

Inside I was numb I had no emotions never letting anyone close

I was going through the motions I didn’t even know myself I tried to figure it out

I got nowhere I went from relationship to relationship only to keep fucking up shit

Fake friends I thought were riders for life until I realized if I didn’t benefit them it wasn’t a friendship

I realize all my riders were right in my face Now I have nobody

I didn’t understand how God could hurt me so bad

I felt like I was being punished

I didn’t understand me I was so hurt lost confused

Now I’m trying to be a better me for those I emotionally abused

I didn’t know what I was doing I didn’t even realize I was doing it

I felt like owed the people who truly cared for me an apology

That wasn’t necessary what was owed was change, understanding, and an apology to myself

I gave what I owed myself with love, therapy, and being selfish with me to fully understand what love was(me)

I needed to love myself and understand that love didn’t come from someone else or something else it was within myself

Now I can say that I am healing daily on a emotional level

I am healing immensely sometimes I have my days when I break down because I miss the ones who left me alone in this world

Whom I never ever thought would not be here

I want to apologize to everyone and anyone that I hurt while I was hurting because you didn’t deserve it

It was something I was going through

Their was nothing I could do to change it

At that time because I couldn’t even see what I was doing now I forgave myself for all the things that I did wrong for all the people that I didn’t give what I promised

For all the times that I was so selfish

I just want to make this new Keeya the best Keeya I can be and hopefully in the future all those that I hurt can forgive me Please understand how much hurt and pain I was going through and it’s not an excuse but I was blind and now I see all the wrong I did

God knows I pray about it and sometimes it honestly keeps me up at night

I never want to hurt anybody the way that I hurt some people just because I was hurt

My apologies, apologies may fall on deaf ears, but daily I am making strides to be a greater person than I ever thought I could be